Never Quite Good Enough

Tracy and I were sitting in one of our favorite coffee shops the other day when I had to run out to the van for something. When I came back in, she was grinning from ear-to-ear and had a slight case of the giggles. Apparently, as I went out the door two women had come into the coffee shop from the other entrance and had stopped right by our table to admire “the view”.

“Look at that guy with the long hair,” one said to the other.

“Oh wow…” the other replied. And then they stood and watched me bend over into the van until their coffees were ready.

Tracy asked me if I liked it when things like that happened. Now, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like that. It’s very heady to find out you’re being “drooled” over by complete strangers. But at the same time, I often wonder what the fuss is about. I mean, I see myself in the mirror every day and most of the time, I’m not happy with what I see.

With the heavy physical demands of framing a house and the muscular development required for wrestling and for modeling, it’s nearly become a full-time job just staying in shape. The calories I use up in a day are staggering. I probably eat nearly 4,000 calories a day and I’m still losing body fat. And it seems that each time I start to make progress on one body part that’s lagging, three others surface that I’m just as unhappy with.

Wrestling’s the same way. Every time I watch one of my matches, although I’m reasonably happy with the match, I can pick out at least a dozen things that don’t look good enough or crisp enough or just plain weren’t as I imagine they should look.

I suppose that’s a good thing, though. Never being satisfied. Always feeling like there’s a need for improvement. Gives me something to strive for; something to work on. I don’t know what I’d do if I suddenly looked up and everything was perfection. Probably pack it in. Although, there are times when I’d really, really like it if things were a lot closer to perfection that they seem to be, I think I prefer being never quite good enough. I like the challenge.